What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
