God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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