So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
