i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
