he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
