hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
