hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
