no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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