So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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