My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
