I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
