mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
