ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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