Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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