I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
