I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
