His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
