I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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