I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You've changed since you got that strap on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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