Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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