do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
