You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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