i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
