I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize