Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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