I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
