i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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