I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
