I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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