becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
