remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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