I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
