I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
