I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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