ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
