from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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