is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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