I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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