I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
