She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
