All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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