Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
