Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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