You can't motorboat a personality
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
