he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
