he looks like a really good dad on facebook
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
