Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
