just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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