Sponge bath it is.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
