I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
