You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
