I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
