I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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