Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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