Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
