Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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