she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
