i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
