if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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