That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
