she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
