Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
