HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Terrible idea I love it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize