My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
