i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
