I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
