Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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