She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
