Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize