Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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