Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
