I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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